


Tu me manque

by Mission_ARS



Category: One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Assault, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Niall, Hurt No Comfort, Liam-centric, M/M, Missing Niall, Missing Persons, Niall - Centric, Other, Possible Character Death, Worried Harry, Worried Liam, Worried Zayn, worried louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-03-06 13:56:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18852436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mission_ARS/pseuds/Mission_ARS
Summary: With a tour coming up, the lads have been snippy and grumpier than usual. One night after an extra grueling day their exhaustion gets the better of them and they get into an argument. At some point Niall get's sick of all the arguing and leaves.He doesn't come back.The following days until Niall is found are harrowing on the four remaining One Direction memebers. As each day passes the grim truth that Niall might not come back alive is slowly driven home...





	1. A Night Stroll

"Could you go any slower," Zayn groaned, it had been a long day and all the lads were tired causing them to become annoyed with each other easily.

"I'm going as fast as I can," Louis snapped back, "Excuse me for being a little tired and sore after giving everything I had to the show,"

"Can you two quit it! I have a headache and you're making it worse." Liam moaned in pain, his head in his hands.

"Why don't you take something for it, instead of yelling at us?"  Harry asked.

"Well I would if I could get to the bathroom," Liam threw a pointed glare at Louis.

Niall sighed as it became a full fledged argument. He was tired but didn't want to argue. He really just wanted to fall asleep. All they seemed to do lately was argue and fight. It wasn't that they hated each other… Niall knew that, but this upcoming tour had pushed them to their limits. They were overworked, tired and stressed. So they took it out on each other.

Niall wasn't any different. He had his moment's where he'd snapped at the other lads as well, but he was just so damn tired of all the fighting. He didn't have the energy to deal with it. Not tonight.

"Can we not do this tonight lads?" He tried not to yell, but he had to raise his voice to ensure he was heard.

"You never had any objections before," someone snapped at him.

"We're not doing anything because Louis is walking too damn slowly," Someone else snapped and the argument just continued.

Niall couldn't be bothered trying to reason with them, make them see how stupid they were being. Instead of listening to them fight with each other he slipped out of the house and into the night. He hoped that by the time he got back they would have worn themselves out.

It was quite on the street, too dark for fans to be lurking around. Normally Niall would have taken a guard with him, but it didn't seem necessary. There was no danger, nobody else was around. Besides he had his phone with him.

It was peaceful outside as Niall wandered around, everyone inside their homes settling down for the night. He found he rather enjoyed the solitude and indifference it brought him. Ever since x-factor he was always surrounded by people and it was nice to have a chance to enjoy his own company. As he turned to head back home, he wondered if the lads were still fighting, or if they had tired of their squabbling and realising how stupid it all was retired to bed. He wondered if they had noticed he was gone. Probably not. Tired and grumpy, they would be too caught up in their own emotions to notice his absence. He'd even be surprised if Liam had noticed, he had to be pretty tired to have joined in the fight. Liam didn't get snappish often.

Lost in his thoughts Niall lurched backward as a sudden force collided with him almost sending him sprawling. His head snapped up, an apology ready on his lips. But as they opened to speak a fist crashed down on his cheek. He tried to back up, his hands up palms facing forward on either side of his head. A gesture to say he meant no harm. He really wasn't in the mood for a fight. Hell, hadn't he just taken a walk to avoid one? However he found himself stepping on someone else's foot when he tried to back away. He froze. His brain unable to process what was going on.

It all happened so fast, he was left with no time to react. He stupidly tried to turn around only to find himself to be shoved to the ground wishing he had brought a guard with him after all. Kicks rained down on him, without his knowing where they were coming from, forcing him to curl up to protect himself. At one point he decided to fight back and  somehow managed to stand up. But the minute he had finally stood back on his feet someone grabbed his arms and pulled them behind him. He struggled against the grip on his arms as punches were being thrown at him.

"I'm sorry I walked into you. No hard feelings right?" Niall gasped out between hits. There were four other men aside from the two who Niall had stumbled into. The way it was set up made Niall wonder if he had walked into an ambush. Two of them were standing on the sidelines watching, bats in hand, and Niall desperately prayed they would not be used. But the sick sinking feeling in his stomache told him they would.

One of the men's fist caught Niall's nose and there was a sickening crunching sound as the bone moved beneath the force. Niall yelled as pain hit him in full force and the blood gushed down his face. "I've never even seen ya before,"

"You walked down the wrong street, boy,"  one man grinned, "shoulda stayed tucked up in your warm safe bed,"

Another man leaned into Niall's face, so close Niall could almost feel the mans beard scratch his chin. The man breathed out and Niall tried to jerk his head back as the guys rancid breath assaulted Niall's senses. "I don't have any money, I left it at home. You can check my pockets," Niall tried desperately.

"The thing is… pretty boy," his lip curled, "It aint bout revenge. We don’t give a shit bout who yer are or what yee've done. We're just wanting to be ruinin' that per'ty wee face yer got,"

Niall spat out some of the blood that had found it's way into his mouth onto the mans face, "Screw you," He felt a small pang of satisfaction watching the man step back and wipe the bloody spit of his face.

"Looks like our little Scottish friend 'as forgotten who 'es in charge 'ere. Hit 'em hard boys. Make 'em bleed. I don't want 'im ta be able ta walk. Lets make 'es folks sweat," The man beckoned the men with the bats forward.

Niall's heart went cold. _No, please. No._ He begged silently too afraid to correct the man on his heritage. Frantically he began to struggle harder against the firm grip holding him. Those men were fearsome enough without weapons. With them, Niall feared what this meant for him. How much more serious damage they could inflict on him.

They approached him slowly, their dark eyes never leaving his as they tapped the bats in their hands. Niall fought in vain against his captor, his eyes blown up in fear. He screamed when the first struck hit because of course it had to me on his weak knee. White hot blazing pain hit him as his kneecap dislocated. His legs buckled from beneath him and he fell to the ground creating more pain on his knee.

The blows continued to rain down on him. He had long since stopped struggling, too weak and overcome with pain to move. At some point (he was unsure of when) he started crying, screaming, begging for the pain to end. Still the pain continued. He was pretty sure someone had cracked or broken a rib because it hurt to breath, worse then that though. His head was bleeding. He knew he probably should be worried, but he was in too much pain to really care. He didn't have the strength to care. All there was was pain. His head swum, noises faded, his vision blurred. The darkness was calling him, it's promises to save him from the pain, were alluring. Niall wanted to go to it. He wished for the pain to end. There was a flash of a goldish metal in front of his eyes. Sharp pain. Then the black surrounded Niall in it's gentle embrace, taking the pain from him.

No sound.

…

No pain.

…

 Just darkness.

 


	2. Wake me up (before you go)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hey, it's Niall. What's the craic? Sorry I can't come to me phone right now, but I'll get back to ya if ya leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeepppp._

When Liam woke up he felt refreshed and after looking at the clock he knew why. He had slept in. However instead of panicking like he normally would, he kept himself relaxed. They still had half an hour before they were meant to meet for another gruelling rehearsal, this one even more so than the rest, as management were coming in to see how the were progressing on the new album. The rest, he believed was well deserved.

He got up slowly, goose bumps forming on his skin as he leaves the warmth of his bed. Hurriedly he dressed himself for the day. He knew he needed to hurry and use the bathroom quickly before the others got up or he woke them up. Despite the half hour they had before they needed to be at the studio, it wouldn't be enough time for them all to have showers. With only one bathroom to share between the five of them, once everyone was up it was a free for all and some people (Zayn, Harry) took longer in the bathroom then others (himself). If you wanted there to be any hot water left, you had to get in first.

When he'd finished he hurried to wake the rest of the lads up. He went to Niall's room first knowing he'd take the shortest amount of time in the bathroom. To his surprise, Niall's room was void of the Irishman, either sleeping or awake. His bed was made neatly, un touched almost as if Niall hadn't slept in it at all. Don't be so stupid, Liam reprimanded himself, Niall had come home with them last night of course he had slept in his bed. He'd probably just got up early or something.

Liam's gut iced with worry, if Niall hadn't slept in his bed last night then when did he leave? Why? And how had Liam not noticed? Did he leave a note? However even thinking that he had still worried Liam, Why did he get up so early? Did he get enough sleep? He was looking pretty beat last night. Was something wrong? Did he have to leave early? How come he didn't wake Liam up and tell him if he was leaving? Did he leave a note?

He knew he was probably over reacting. He had a tendency to do so, the lads always gave him trouble for it but he couldn't help it. It was just who he was. Niall is fine, Liam told himself, you're turning into an old cow. Don't be so paranoid. He can look after himself. He doesn't need you to baby him.

Shrugging the niggling feeling away, he headed into the shared bedroom to wake up Harry and Louis. Since their shared house had only four bedrooms it meant that two people had to share a room. Every so often they would change it around, but for the most part Harry and Louis seemed to end up sharing.

"Harry, Louis," He called quietly, flicking their lights on, "It's time for you to wake up,"

The two figures in their beds stirred, "What time is it?" Harry mumbled

"About five past ten," Liam replied, "We have twenty-five minutes before we have to meet management at the studio,"

Louis sat up, "Twenty five minutes! Twenty-five minutes! That's not enough time, Liam!"

"I didn't wake up until five minutes ago," Liam protested, slightly hurt that Louis was complaining. At least he got them up. "Im going to go wake Zayn up now, so you'd better grab the bathroom if you want it,"

He slipped into Zayn's room, repeating the same process that he had done with Louis and Harry.

Zayn's only response was to grab a pillow and shove it over his eyes.

"We've only got Twenty-three minutes until we have to meet at the studio," Liam said.

That got Zayn's attention.

"What!" He yelled, "Why didn't you get me up sooner!"

"I was asleep," Liam replied, feeling a little defensive. Niall was up first. Why was everyone blaming him?

"How am I suppose to look perfect? There's nowhere near enough time!"

"Share the bathroom," Liam suggested, "Sort it out with Lou and Haz,"

He turned and headed back up the hall to the lounge. It was empty. Liam frowned as he walked through it to the dining room/Kitchen door. The lounge was where he'd expected Niall to be. The dining room and kitchen were also empty. A quick scan of the sink indicated that if Niall had gotten up, he had not had breakfast. Liam could feel panic grab at him. Stay calm, Liam. He told himself. He probably went out for breakfast. Yes that was it. Without telling you? Another part of him argued, he probably left a note or told one of the other lads or something. He tried to comfort himself.

His worry is starting to heighten and he knows it's not going to leave until he's heard from Niall that he's okay. He tries calling Niall's cellphone but it just rings until it reaches voice mail.

_Hey, it's Niall. What's the craic? Sorry I can't come to me phone right now, but I'll get back to ya if ya leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeepppp._

"Hey, Ni. Liam here. Where are you? I just woke up and you were gone. I can't find a note anywhere, did you leave one? Can you give me a call as soon as you get this? If not I guess I'll see you at the studio,

Liam hangs up and goes and makes himself some breakfast, theres not much he can do other than wait for Niall to show up. He's just swallowed his first mouthful when Louis come bouncing in, his damp hair clinging to his forehead.

"That's odd," Louis says, pouring some cereal into a bowl, "Where's Niall? You scare him off his food or something?"

"I-"

"And what's with you? You look like your about to panic,"

"I don't know where Niall is" Liam admitted, "He wasn't in his room when I woke up, he hasn't left a note either and he's not answering his phone,"

"Oh come on, Li! He's a big boy he can handle himself. You're getting yourself worked up for nothing,"

"I know, but I can't help it. I feel like somethings wrong or it's going to go wrong,"

"You're being paranoid,"

"Maybe…" Liam mused, "I'd feel better if I knew where he was,"

"Ask Zayn or Harry, maybe they know,"

However when Liam asked Zayn and Harry if they knew where Niall might be, they only offered placid reassurances.

"I'm sure he's fine, Liam,"

"Yeah he's probably out with a friend or something. Spending some quality time with them ya know,"

Liam frowned but said nothing, the further time went on the more concerned Liam got. However no-one took him seriously until they arrived at the studio. Everyone had assumed Niall would show up because they all knew how important this meeting was. The four of them tumbled through the studio doors expecting to see Niall to be waiting for them on the other side.

"I'm going to call Niall," Liam said, pulling his cell out from his pocket, once they'd realised Niall wasn't there, "I'm just going to check up on where he's at,"

"I'm sure he's not far away Li," Zayn said, settling down on the couch in the booth. "He's probably just pulling up now. Got mobbed by fans and is running late or something. It's not like that hasn't happened before."

"Alright," Liam put his phone back, knowing Zayn was right. Niall wouldn't let them down. He'd show up in time. "I'm being paranoid aren't I?"

"Just a bit," Louis laughed, flopping on Zayn who let out an 'ommph'.

"Get off me you oaf!" Zayn exclaimed pushing Louis off his lap.

"Watch who you call an oaf,"

"Might. When you start to watch your weight,"

Louis tackled Zayn pushing him off the couch. The two of them wrestled playfully around on the floor while Liam and Harry watched cheering each of their bandmates on.

"Would you quit rolling on the floor. We have a show to run," a high pitched feminine voice suddenly broke through the laughter.

Liam turned to face the three members of management who had entered the room.

"I apologise about how late we are, traffic was a killer," Jim, the most favoured member of management said.

"We hear you," Louis said, "Liam made us-,"

"Where's Horan?" Denise interrupted, "We expected you to all to be here. There's a reason for deadlines you know,"

"We don't know," Zayn spoke up, "We think he's caught in traffic,"

"I don't want your petty presumptions, I want hard solid facts. Jake get him on line,"

"Yes m'am,"

"Denise, stop being so hard on these lads, give them a break. We were just stuck in traffic ourselves."

Liam smiled, trust Jim to stick up for them. There was a reason why he was the boys favourite.

"Uhh, Denise?" Jake's voice popped up, "Horan didn't pick up,"

"Well call his bodyguards, if he went out then one of them had to have gone with him," Jake nodded and disappeared into the hallway.  
Denise turned towards Liam, Zayn, Louis and Harry who were all standing together now. "Where is he?"

"I-we don't know,"

Denise glared at Harry like it was his fault.

"He didn't tell us where he was going," Louis steps in before Denise can chew Harry out.

"He was gone before any of us woke up," Liam added to strengthen the defence. They really can't help anything anyone does while they're asleep. Can they?

"We're not blaming you," Jim says with a kind smile, "Niall is a sensible lad, there's bound to be a guard with him and as soon as Jake get's back we'll know what's going on,"

Liam goes and slumps down on the couch and drops his head into his hands. The couch dips as more people sit down next to him, probably the other lads. He hoped Niall had a good reason for all this. He tried running through possible scenarios of what could have happened, but most of them weren't good so he stopped.

It felt like hours before Jake came back. All of them had sat in silence until then, the seriousness of the situation finally sinking in. It wasn't like Niall to disappear without a word, or miss practice, or ignore calls especially from management. If it was Louis than yeah sure, he was probably pulling a prank or up to no good of any kind... But Niall? Liam wondered if now they were all sharing the same worried feeling he has.

"Horan, didn't call any of the bodyguards. Paul says that he could look at the security tape at your house and see if Niall left with any of his friends," Jake said.

Liam's head shot up, Niall hadn't left with a bodyguard? What the hell had he been thinking?

"Right. When was the last time you lads saw Niall?" Jim asked, his eye twitched a little. He wasn't liking this any more than Liam.

"Last night, we were arguing and Niall wanted us to stop. I don't know after that…" Zayn trailed off, his eyes met with Liam's but slipped away when Liam shook his head. No-one had seen Niall since the start of the fight.

"Bloody insolent teenagers," Denise muttered, "Call me when Horan shows up, but until then the tour is off," She turned and walked out the room, the only sound being the click of her heels.

"Listen, lads. I'm not very happy about this either,"

Liam stared at Jim in shock, wasn't he supposed to be on their side?

"Don't look at me like that, I know this isn't something Niall or any of you lads would do normally. I'm not happy because this is starting to look very serious. If any of you lads know anything about Niall's whereabouts you had better speak up now,"

Nobody said a word for several minutes. Liam wondered what the others were thinking about. Were they thinking about Niall or not? Did anyone else have that horrible feeling that something was seriously wrong?

"Has Niall contacted you in any way at all today?"

There was a chorus of shaking heads. Jim frowned, "Not even a note or message through a friend?" Again, everyone shook their heads. When Liam looked at their faces there were no teasing looks or smirks. Everyone was dead serious.

"Has he been acting off or different in any way at all?"

"Tired, but that was really it. We all have been working our asses off lately,"

"What do you boys think about all this? Harry?"

Liam leaned forward, edger to hear what the other lads had to say about this. This morning they had shot him down. Were they still doubtful like they had been this morning?

"I don't know, I'm a little annoyed because Niall knew how serious this practice was. But I'm worried at the same time, this isn't something Niall normally would do. I think we should wait, he will show up eventually. He has to,"

"Louis?"

"I think that if this is some sort of prank he's taken it way too far. It's not funny anymore because if it is we're all going to get in the shits for this, when he finally decides to show up. Why couldn't he pick any other day that wasn't so important?"

"Liam?"

"I think something is terribly wrong," He stared Jim in the eye, "I don't like how this is at all, disappearing with no note or warning or anything, ignoring our calls, not arriving at an important meeting. None of that sounds like Niall, I think something would have to be terribly wrong for him not to respond."

"Not necessarily terribly wrong, I admit that I think somethings happened, but I don't think it has to be bad. His car could have broken down and his phone is flat so he can't call. I think we should call Scotland Yard just incase though, if his phone's died and he's stranded somewhere they will be able to sort it out." Zayn added his own bit in.

"If we call Scotland yard we'd have the paps on us in minutes, we'll freak out all our fans!" Louis exclaimed

"It's better than sitting around waiting for something to happen. Scotland Yard will be able to track him down quicker than we can," Liam argued.

"We're not calling Scotland Yard, yet," Jim said firmly, "We don't know if anything is wrong yet,"

"We don't know if anythings fine yet either," Liam argued, "In fact we don't know anything,"

Louis scoffed, "He's a big lad, Liam. I think he can take care of himself,"

Liam couldn't be bothered arguing with Louis. None of them seemed to share the same level of alarm that was coursing through his neural pathways. He didn't try to explain it to them. They wouldn't believe him, they'd think he was over reacting again. It would waste time that would be better spent trying to locate Niall.

There was a loud thump, making everyone jump and turn to face the door which had been thrown open. Never in his life, had Liam seen Paul look this upset.

"I would to like to know which one of you boys thought it was a good idea for Niall to walk about the streets, in the dark, by himself,"

Paul seemed to glare at Liam, driving the invisible sword in Liam's heart which clenched tightly. The situation kept on getting worse. Niall alone in the dark? That meant he either left really early in the morning or last night while they were fighting. Liam was leaning towards the latter though and that scared him. London wasn't exactly the safest place at night.

"I don't remember Niall leaving last night," Zayn said.

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"He probably left while we were arguing, maybe he was just going for a walk so we could let off some steam," Liam suggested, it seemed plausible. It's what he probably would have done if he was in Niall's shoes.

"Then why didn't he come back?" Harry asked.

"Lads," Jim brought the attention of the room back on him, "You know all Niall's friends in London, so I want you to call them now and see if any of them have seen him since yesterday,"

Collectively they nodded, Liam noticed Louis phone was already practically in his hand. Fingers breaking records as they sprint over the screen. Liam smiled a little, relieved that he may not be the only one with the feeling something was incredibly wrong. Louis wasn't as calm as he appeared to be.

It felt like hours that they sat there, waiting and calling, their hearts clenching with every friend, aquaintance, and family and staff member's denial at seeing Niall that day. It was well in the afternoon when every number had been called and exhausted and management sent them home. Where they sat and waited, then tossed and turned in their beds, ears perked for the sound of a door opening.

Niall never showed.


	3. Here Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Li the police are here,"

Liam stared at the photo of the five of them together. His eyes were only focused on Niall. How could they have lost him so easily?

It's been a whole day since they realised Niall's been missing. He's just vanished. No-one has seen him, not the paps, nor Niall's friends and Niall's family haven't spoken to him for a while.

They can all feel the ghost of Niall's presence wherever they go. It's like he's still there. Liam even went to wake him up, like he normally does, only to realise 'Oh, yeah, he's missing,'.

Cigarette smoke sneaks up Liam's nostrils but he doesn't move.

"Li, the police are here,"

Liam puts down the picture and faces Zayn who's smoking in the door.

"Don't smoke in the house,"

Zayn looks like he's about to say something, there's this look on his face that Liam wishes he could read. A second later it's gone, leaving Liam to wonder if it was ever there at all. Liam sighed and put the photo down, he supposes he should probably go. The sooner he spoke to the police the sooner the hunt for Niall could commence. He'd done his bit and failed, now it was their turn.

Zayn doesn't move as Liam walked past him. When he looks to find out, the cause stared back at him, smiling out the photo Liam had just put down. Sorrow gripped Liam's heart and that familiar feeling began to bubble up, but he shoved it down. Now isn't the time. Gently he gripped Zayn's arm.

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah," Zayn turned away from the photo and Liam pretends to miss the way Zayn rubs at his eyes.

Louis and Harry were already talking to the police when Liam and Zayn joined them.

"Ah you must be Mr Payne," One of the policemen stood up and shook Liam's hand, "Detective Olson, I'm head of the investigation,"

He speaks with a slight Irish accent that makes Liam's heart clench. Another reminder of why the dark, rugged haired Detective and his silent doe eyed partner were there.

"Thank you Detective to come out and help us,"

"No problem, it's my job," 

Weak smiles all round. _Niall would have laughed,_ Liam couldn't help but think. _It would be infectious and we'd all laugh just cause he was._

"Would you mind if I looked around Mr Horan's room?" The partner asks.

_Of corse I mind, you'll be invading Niall's personal space._ He thinks. 

"We don't mind, I'll show you to his room," Liam said instead forcing a smile. They have to act normal, be helpful and soon enough Niall will be back home. He keeps the smile plastered on his face as the detective pulls on gloves and walks around Niall's room collecting evidence. It feels like some kind of invasion of Niall's privacy but he knows what they gather may help. Even so he hovers around as if he can somehow protect Niall's privacy by keeping an eye on his stuff for him.

Occassionaly the detective will direct a question or two towards him... _Is there anything missing from here? What does this note mean? Does Liam recognise this item?_ It's all so depressing. Each question. Every item touched, handled, bagged by the detective really driving home the fact that Niall is missing.

In the silence the guilt eats at him, and his mind wonders what would have happened if Liam had stopped arguing when Niall requested it rather than biting back out of his own exhaustion

What would have happened if Liam had been there?

What if Liam had seen Niall leave?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The police interview them in separate rooms in their home. Liam chooses Niall's bedroom. It might be irrational, but now that strangers are in their home, and have been through Niall's stuff, Liam feels like he must protect it. In a the way he didn't protect Niall. The thought comes unbidden, designed to make Liam feel guilty and he pushes it aside with fury. Yet it hangs mockingly in the back of his mind. Reminding him of his failure.

"Mr Payne?" Detective White says sharply.

Liam lifts his head, from where it had been resting on his hands, "Yes." The officer stares blankly at him. Waiting for a reply to a question Liam hadn't heard. "I'm sorry could you repeat the question, please?"

"How did Mr Horan seem to you?"

Liam blinked, "He seemed fine. I mean he was quieter than usual but with tour coming up we'd been working extra hard to be ready for that. We were all tired."

Even as he speakes, his mind goes back. Had Niall been different? He'd been quieter than usual; apart from that one outburst when they had arrived home, he'd barely said a word. But that was because he was tired... Wasn't it? Or had something been playing on his mind? Something dark and malicious that had called him away into the night.

No. No, surly he'd just been normal. But then...

White waits patiently, lets Liam gather his thoughts. "Has he been upset recently, angry with someone maybe?"

"No... No nothing like that." Liam says quickly, but then pauses.

White reads the hesitation on his face. "But there was something?"

"It's nothing," Liam dismisses.

White leans forward, "Why don't you tell me and let me be the judge of that? Sometimes seemingly insignificant details are the most important details."

"It's just..." Liam licks his lips, "He's been having problems with the fans lately, mostly just nasty things on twitter, but one girl openly snubbed him at a signing and he took it to heart. I mean he bounced back quickly enough, but he was downtrodden for a couple of days."

White nods, and writes something down on his notebook that Liam can't see.

"Was... Was that important?"

White shrugs, "Hard to say," and Liam has to push down the surge of irritation. He just wants to know whats going on. "Did you notice anyone hanging around Niall more than usual, someone following him maybe?"

"No." Perhaps if the situation was a trifle less serious Liam would be rolling his eyes, because seriously! What kind of a question is that? Niall's a celebrity, people following him around isn't exactly unusual.

There must be something in his expression though that gives away his thoughts because then White says "This questions may sound idiotic to you Mr Payne, but they are necassary. Nine times out of ten they may give us false leads but that doesn't mean we stop asking them. If we stop, than that one time out of ten may never be found and the lead is lost. The human psychee picks up on many thinks without our knowning it. You picked out that girl at the signing, why?"

Liam blinks somewhat taken aback. "Uhh, I don't know," he shrugs, "Cause it made Niall upset,"

"Why was Niall upset over this particular incident? You said before that it wasn't unusual for him to have problems with his fans."

Liam shrugs again and stares at his hands, feeling suddenly chastised. Like a child being scolded in front of the class by the teacher. 

Silence stretches like a desert between them before White continues with the questioning. "What was Niall's relationships with his staff like? Has he fired anyone recently who might harbour a grudge for him for it?"

"Fine. Paul and management are in charge of all the hiring and firing."

"Your management? What's his relationship like with them,"

"The same, Jim's really cool. Deniese is a... Well you know," Liam shrugs, "But we don't have any problems with them you know?"

"How about the other band memebers. Did Niall get on well with them?"

Liam's heart ices. Surely they can't mean... "We'd never hurt Niall if that's what you're thinking! He's like our brother!"

"It says here that the last time Mr Horan was seen you were all fighting,"

"Yes! But not... Not like that!"

"I never said that Mr Payne, could you cear to elaborate?"

Liam almost wants to stab himself for falling into that trap. "I just mean that we were all tired. It was one of those nitpicky arguements that you get into when you're tired. It started off because Louis was walking to slow, and Zayn started complaining. I had a headache so I snapped at them, and they snapped back and it turned into a full blown arguement from there. I know at some point Niall asked us to stop, but we were too busy to really care I think." Liam shrugged, "That was the last I heard of him that whole night, and when I woke up the next morning he was gone."

"When did you first realise that Mr Horan was missing?"

"The next morning, but I didn't take it seriously until he didn't show up for rehearsals."

"Can you run me through that morning?"

"Well let me see... Uh..." Liam tries to cast his mind back. Even though it was only yesterday, it already feels so long ago. "I woke late. It was cold. Nobody else was up, and I remember thinking that was great because it meant I got to have hot water." He shrugged, "5 guys and one shower, hot water can run out pretty quickly. When I got up nobody was up still, and we didn't have long before we needed to be at the studio so I went to wake them all up. That's when I found out that Niall wasn't there."

White nodded as if to say go on.

"His bed was all made up, it didn't even look like it had been slept in." Liam winces, "It was strange, but I didn't really have time to think on it because I had to get the other lads up. It wasn't until I went to have breakfast that I thought maybe he hadn't slept here all night cause he hadn't had breakfast and that was unusual. Niall loves his food. So I called him, he didn't pick up and when we got to the studio he never showed. So uh yeah..." he finished off lamely staring down at his hands.

"If Niall hadn't slept at your place where would he have slept?"

"One of his mates places, there are a couple nearby he could have gone to."

Detective White pulls a couple of pages out of his notebook and pushes them and a pen towards Liam. "I'm going to need you to write there names, numbers and addresses down."


	4. Where do you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Niall's not dead"

When Liam emerges from Niall's room Harry and Louis are already waiting in the living room. When Harry sees Liam he immediately leaps up with relife on his face and goes over to him. "How did it go?" he asks breathless and eager as if somehow Liam's magically pulled Niall's location from the depths of the interview. Louis snorts and glowers at the wall. It's the only kind of acknowledge he gives to Liam's entrance.

"I don't know," Liam shrugs and looks away, "I don't think I helped much,"

Harrys shoulders sag, "I don't think I did either. And Lou's didn't go well at all,"

"Damn right it didn't" Louis mutters under his breath, but Liam and Harry still hear it anyway. Liam narrows his eyes. Louis's visibly upset and he wonders what could possibly have upset so much. Besides the obvious of course.

"What happened?"

"Bastard accused us of killing Niall," Louis snarls, "Says if we were all asleep than we have no alibi, and we'd been arguing the night before."

"Niall's not dead," Harry protests but Louis fixes him with such a vicious glear that he hunches over "Just saying," he mumbles, "there's no proof,"

"Well he's not here! And he's not kidnapped! And I'm pretty sure that he didn't just go 'oh hey you know what would be really funny is if I pretend to be dead for a few days'!" Louis yells.

"I think-" Liam pauses, and wonders why he's coming to the defence of the officers. But maybe it's more than that because he _needs_ to distract them before the arguement blows out of preportion the way it's threatening too. "I think they kinda have to imply it. Test our reactions you know?" he swallows, has no idea where these words are coming from but once he's said them he feels that they're right. "They're just trying to find out what happened," he finishes weakly.

Louis, doesn't say anything, and so they sit in awkward silence. Louis continues to glower and Harry frets, twisting his hands over and over until Zayn comes out of his interview. Liam desperately wants to know what happened, and he can see Harry does too, but they've both learnt their lesson from when they asked Louis so they just give him silent nods and weak smiles and wait for him to speak.

Zayn walks over to the nearest window, opens it and lights up. He takes a drag and blows the smoke out the window, but Liam can still smell it and he (hopefully) subtily sticks his nose in his armpit. The smell of cold sweat will always be better than the smell of that rubbish. Zayn says nothing, just keeps smoking until all of the Detectives and Officers have finished taking their photos and notes and whatever, and are have bid their goodbyes until he speaks.

"I don't think he's been kidnapped guys" He says eventually, "We would have gotten a randsom call by now if they had wanted our money. The police would have stuck around if they thought that too,"

"Where do you think he is then?" Harry asks quietly

"I don't know," Zayn shrugs, "But he can't stay missing for long. He's a a popstar in a bad, someone's bound to find him soon. It's more of a miricle that he's hidden from the paps for this long."

It's not like Zayn to sound so blindly optimistic, that Liam just gapes at him, wondering how he could just assume that so casually.

"What if he isn't?" Louis morbidly mutters. Liam's starting to really want to punch the pair of them for their blind opinions. Liam refuses to believe that Niall would be dead. It's too unrealistic, and as for Niall running off and leaving them in the lurch, it's not something Niall would do either. Nial wouldn't willingly leave them fretting after him like this. Management, and the fans can think that as much as the like, they don't know Niall. Not they way the band does.

"I would rather that than the alternative," Zayn returns. There's something in his tone that makes Liam look up and catch Zayn's eye. Suddenly he understands. Zayn doesn't really believe that Niall's buggered off to some mates house to hide away, like management is pretending his done. He thinks the worst like everyone else in the room. Liam can see the sorrow in his eyes. But Zayn's not going to say it. He's not going give the universe the power of him admitting the truth until it's true.

They all know that Niall would never willingly disappear like this. He'd either have to be kidnapped or dead. Nobody in their right minds would kidnap Niall and not demand a randsom, not with how rich he is. It's day 2 and there's been no randsom call. Not even a peep. Liam can't help thinking that Zayn's right on that count, that even the police don't think that Niall's been kidnapped. There's not even a sign of fowl play. Niall just hasn't shown up, and nobody can figure out why, but it's been over a day, and Liam wonders if the police have started checking all the hospitals yet.

Liam's seen enough cop shows to know how important the first 24 hours in a missing persons case are.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Later that evening they meet with management to discuss how they're going to handle the publicity and from the moment they all sit down at the couch that's provided, Liam want's to cry. It doesn't feel right, being here one member short. He doesn't have the energy to deal with management right now. He just want's to go home and wait up for Niall. Or run the streets, looking for a lost figure with dyed blonde hair. Something... anything that isn't this.

"Hey Boys," Jim says softly, once they're all seated. His and Jakes eyes have dark rims under them. They looks as tired as the rest of them, and surprisingly so does Denise. Maybe she does have a heart after all. Although Liam severely doubts it's a large one

The lads and Liam all chourus back their own tired 'hello's'. Louis doesn't even bother to lift his head, and Zayn looks like he's seconds away from crying. His hand keeps going to the pocket that Liam saw him put his smokes in earlier.

"I know this past day has been strenious on all of you, but we need to discuss how we're going to proceed with the media." Jake says, all business.

"If this is a publicity stunt, I suggest you come clean now," Denise glears, and Liam takes back everything he ever thought about her having a heart. He was wrong.

"This isn't some stunt," Harry spits, with an anger uncanny for the young boy who is normally so shy and sweet.

"D be nice," Jim frowns and Denise who scowls back, "They've have a rough couple of days."

"So have we, wherever Niall is, he's left a huge bloody mess to clean up,"

"Can we please get back to the task on hand?" Liam asks, all he want's to do is get out of there and go home incase Niall shows up. He doesn't want to waste his time listening to arguing. Arguing isn't going to bring Niall home.

"How do you want us to handle the media?"

"For now, we want you to ignore them," Jim says, "It will be hard, but any reaction on you guys's behalf could promote hysteria amongst your fans."

"So you want us to what? Smile and wave?" Zayn asks sarcastically.

Jake fixes him with an odd look, "No just be neutral, act like it's no big deal, like you have faith that Niall's going to be back in no time. If you feel pressed to make a comment just say that you are leaving it all to the police. They are more than capable of handling it."

"And what if he's not?" Louis asks quietly, but his voice still holds a touch of menace to them, "What if it is a big deal?"

"Act like it's not," Denise snaps, "As far as you are concerned the police are going to have Niall home in a few days." Speaking on Niall like he's a wayward teenager that has run away and not a man who's vanished off of the face of the earth.

Liam wants to argue, say they have a right to express their feelings, but he doesn't. Just nods his head mutely.

"It's going to be rough, but I know you boys are going to be able to get through them." Jim says, attempting either platitude or comfort, Liam can't tell, doesn't really care. He just want's to go home.

Louis rolls his head to face management, in a bored almost dramatic way. "Can we go home now?" he asks, his voice just as bland as his expression.

"Yes," Denise says, "Also we're going to do a press release informing your fans that all of your activities are going to be suspended until further notice."

Collectively, they sigh and nod and push themselves up from the couch as if they were old men. They ride the elevator to the bottom level of the building in silence. They don't even look at each other. Not until they step out of the elevator and share a look, shareing their minute strength through their eyes. Plastering on fake smiles for the press they know are through the doors in front of them.

With a renewed energy that anyone who had seen them less than five minutes ago wouldn't believe, Liam dances over to Zayn slinging an arm around his neck and dragging his head down so Liam can mess up his hair. Louis and Harry laugh and skip, pushing each other playfully. They're a completely different One Direction, but the are not the *same* One Direction that management wants them to pretend to be. Inside each of them is the hollow empty place that Niall should be.


	5. You've got a friend in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every time I blink I see him hurt, or dead, or worse..."
> 
>  
> 
> "... I see him alone,"

When Liam wakes up on day three he rolls over and goes back to sleep. Or at least he tries, but his bodyclock hates him and after spending a lifetime of early mornings he opens his eyes again to find that only five minutes has passed. He's about to try for a second time around, when he hears voices and decides to get up. 

Surprisingly the other three are all up before him, Harry and Zayn wrapped in an insane amount of blankets and Louis sitting with his legs crossed on the floor at Harrys feet, in a dressing gown. 

"-done that Haz,"  
"-not come home,"  
"I couldn't just go to sleep!" They're saying as Liam walks in. Faces serious about whatever conversation Liam has just interrupted. They pause when they notice him. Zayn smiles but it's strained. For the first time in two days, Liam doesn't smell smoke on him, and a bitter voice inside his head wonders how long thats going to last. How long it'll be before Zayn turns into a chimney pipe again. "Hey Li, how did you sleep?"

"As well as anyone," Liam replies, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "What's going on here?" he glances from lad to lad. From Harry's defensive expression to Louis and Zayn's concerned one's. Louis and Zayn share a look and then everyone starts speaking at once.

"Harry stayed up all night, without even a blanket, waiting for Niall,"  
"I just wanted someone to be there encase he came back!"

"Oh that's sweet," Liam says coming over to flop on the couch and lay his head on Zayn's shoulder. Wondering what all the fuss is about, because it's not like Liam didn't do something similar the other night. He closes his eyes, willing the day away. He's still half asleep, and disappointed Niall hasn't shown back up again.

The room falls silent. When Liam opens his eyes wondering why it's so quiet; they're all staring at him. Confused he lifts his head from Zayn's shoulder and frowns. "What?"

"Nothing," Louis says quickly. Too quickly. Liam narrows his eyes.

Louis looks away awkwardly, and Liam can feel Zayn staring at Liam's head on his shoulder but Liam's too tired to move it. An awkwards silences fillis the room, and Liam sighs internally. Since Niall's been gone all there have been far too many silences. But he can't be bothered breaking it himself, so he lets the silence stretch. In the end it's Harry that explains, "Normally if you found out about that you'd flip and go all 'Daddy Direction' on us," he says softly.

And before Liam can even think about it words just slip out of his mouth and hang like condensation in the air. "Well there are better things to worry about."

Louis looks like a fish that's just been hit over the head with a mallet. Harry doesn't look much better. Liam can't really see much of Zayn's face from the angle his head is own, but Zayn's arms tighten around him protectively.

"Oh Love," someone whispers, "You want to talk about it?"

Liam lifts his head pulling a little out of Zayns arms, and shakes it. Even as he does so his eyes fill with tears as he remembers the past couple of days and everything he wants to say but doesn't know how. "I'm just as worried as you guys," he says weakly, "It's no biggie."

"But you haven't been showing it Li,"  
"Harry's right, you've been as cool and collected as a cucumber," Louis waggles a finger "We've all had our breakdowns except you."

"Really I'm fine," He tries again, blinking hard to keep the tears in his eyes."There aren't even any signs of fowl play,"

"There aren't any signs of nice play either," Louis returns.

"Li, Louis yelled at a detective, I started smoking again. Hell Haz stayed up all night just encase Niall came back. Showing a little emotion in a situation like this isn't weird. At this stage I'd almost says it's probably healthy dude. But you, you've been quiet, subdued even. We know you're worring as much as the rest of us, but you aren't showing it," Zayn says, "You don't have to be strong for us,"

Liam turns his face and nodds into Zayns shoulder as his the tears break lose and trickle slowly down his face. " I didn't want to worry you. I keep seeing him dead," he admits, ignoring the way he feels how Zayn tenses, "I see him lying dead and anonymous in a morgue in a hospital somewhere. I seem him lying in a ditch on his own. Everytime I blink I see him hurt or dead or worse," he hiccups the tears falling freely and unrelenting now. "I see him alone."

There's a muffled shuffling sound and suddenly more arms than Liam can count are around him and he's absolutly piled under an insane number of blankets. They stay like that for hours, at some point Liam thinks the others start crying too, and they just sit there and sob and mourn their missing brother together. It's almost... Nice. As nice as it can get when 1/5th of your soul is missing anyway.

Eventually they have to pull apart, as it gets hot and stuffy and there are only so many tears a person can cry before their body forces them to stop. The sit in silence then, drinking bottles of water that Liam pulls from the fridge until Louis jumps to his feet, his eyes red rimmed and announces "I know what we need," he brandishes a Disney DVD like it's the answer to all the worlds problems.

Liam laughs, and stands up to make everyone a hot chocolate while Harry and Zayn fight each other in the cupboard hunting for snacks they can all munch on. It's short and Liam finds he crys way too easily throughout the movie, but it's a distraction. For a short while they can pretend things are almost normal.

Louis is right. It's exactly what they need.


	6. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The last thing you need is the media witnessing anything and turning it into a circus," Paul says sternly.

They're into their third Disney movie, when Liam's phone rings. He almost doesn't pick it up. The four of them are having a precious good time together, and he doesn't want anything to screw it up. _Doesn't want bad news to ruin it_. But whether out of habit or a sense of duty to Niall he checks anyway. Because as much fun as he's having, he doesn't want to miss any news.

When he sees the name, he pauses. There's any number of reasons he could be called, but his mind jumps to the one and he starts to shake. He looks up.

"It's Paul," Liam says, his hands suddenly clammy and cold.

"Go on and pick it up," Harry insists, while Louis pauses the movie. They're all looking at him expectantly.

Mouth dry, hands sweating, and stomach twisting, Liam picks up. "Paul?"

"The police called. They've found Niall," Paul says gravely.

Liam's heart flutters. He can't resist the broad hopeful grin that spreads across his face and he quickly passes on the good news to the other lads who whoop in joy and wear their own broad silly grins. Their attention to him suddenly increasing tenfold.

"An off duty cop found him on the edge of the Thames and fished him out of the water," Paul explains carefully, "She found his ID in his pocket and called it in. From what Detective Olson says, he fits the description. The police are heading out there now, they want someone to go out and ID him themselves but I thought I'd let you know before I go."

"Where exactly did they find him?"

"Liam, I know what you're thinking and I don't want you boys going. I don't know what condition Niall is in, we don't even know if this is Niall and the last thing management needs is a public scene. _If_ this is Niall, he's going to be in a bad way and the last thing you need is the media witnessing anything and turning it into a circus. I will assess the situation, make sure it is Niall and I'll let you know alright?"

"Alright Paul," Liam agreed, "How'd she come across him then?"

"She was taking the dog for a walk in Batter- Liam you're not going to trick me. I don't want you boys going out there." the dial tone played. Paul had hung up.

Liam laughs at the irony, that a cop had stumbled on Niall by accident. She was walking her dog, how much more ordinary could it get? Someone clears their throat behind him and he remembers the real purpose of Pauls phone call. He can't resist the wide grin that he wears on his face. He knew where Paul was going to say before Paul cut off. They know where Niall is, and it doesn't matter what condition Niall is in, they're going to have Niall back and everything is going to be alright.

"Grab your stuff, we're going to see Niall," He says shortly as he begins to move. Knowing that the others are only going to be a few steps behind. Despite what Paul says, they can't wait around for news. He knows Paul is trying to protect them from the sharks and trolls out there, but Liam would walk across London naked if it meant they got to see Niall sooner.

He almost breaks his pockets, he shoves his phone into them so fast, and grabbed his keys before rushing to the car. He doesn't need to turn to know the other lads are right behind him. After the intial excitement they'd been watching him silently as he'd taken the call, and when he moved they knew something big was happening.

As soon as they're all in he starts driving, not waiting for them to put on their seat-belts. The crushing weight of time bears down and pressuring him into skipping Liams usual mother hen routine. All he can think about is Niall has been found and that he needs them. Niall... Niall... Niall. 

"Is Niall alright?"

"Where are we going?"

"Who found him?"

"Whats he been doing?"

Once they're well on the road, Liam's heart and head are finally calm enough to relay what he'd gleaned from Paul. But it's not until Zayn asks what condition Niall's in that Liam realises how little he knows. All Paul had said was that Niall had been found, not that he was fine... Or hurt... Or dead. But it's too late. There's not time for thoughts like that now. They're already on the road to Niall, for better or for worse. He tries to tell himself that whatever happens it'll end the same regardless of where they are. Whatever comes of it, it's got to be better than sitting around in their home waiting for more news from Paul.

To distract himself from the morbid road his thoughts have taken, he glances in the rear view mirror and checks on his passangers. Harry and Zayn are in the back, Zayn stares absantly out the window fiddling with a cigarette but at least he's not smoking. Liam hasn't seen Zayn smoke as he has over these past few days. It's heartbreaking because he knows that before Zayn had almost stoppped, and now he's even further back than where he started.

As for Harry, his eyes meet Liam's in the mirror and gives such a hopeful smile that Liam knows the thought that they might be finding Niall dead can't have crossed his mind. Liam hopes for Harry's sake that they're going to find Niall okay, and the excitement is dying and Liam's brain is just being paranoid and morbid as per usual. But still the niggling thought that tells him he had been right when he'd first seen Nialls perfectly made up bed, persists still.

He desperately hopes it's wrong.

As for Louis his face is pretty much unreadable, as he leans forward, his left knee jiggling up and down as if he can somehow will the car to move faster. He has such a determind look on his face that Liam puts his foot down for a couple of seconds for that extra burst of speed. He tries to maintain a perfect balance of maintaining a high enough speed that they can get there in time (for what he doesn't know) without getting a speeding fine.

The atmosphere between the four of them is heavier than ever. Something dark tells Liam that whatever reason Niall has for showing up in the Thames, miles from where he went missing, that it can't be good. But it doesn't matter. They can handle it.


	7. To Where You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's our brother"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It's easy to pick the place where Niall's been found. It's right on the edge of the water, and it's simply crawling with police officers and there's Paul off to one side, right by the bridge talking to an officer and a woman with a dog, covered in mud. The all stand with serious faces. Some distance off there's a photographer taking pictures and a bunch of paramedics surrounding something that's lying down in the the mud. Niall Liam's brain supplies but he doesn't want to believe it. Somehow, dispite his misgivings, a part of him had expected Niall to show up with a cheeky grin and say "Sorry about that lads, got a bit lost there," and that would be that. That part of him, however small it was, is completely demolished as Liam watches everything before him.

They get out of the car watching as the paramedics retrieve a streacher and a silver blanket from the ambulance while an officer stays with the unmoving Niall. The photographer snaps a few more pictures of Niall's body. His heart clenches, he knows what blankets and a body mean. His feet move of their own accord and the other lads follow behind as if a magnetic force is drawing them to the river. He thought he'd be rejoicing now that they can see Niall, now that he's been found. Instead, there's a cold feeling that's threatening to move into the pit of his stomach and he feels chilled all over as they watch the paramedics slip Niall onto the streatcher. Why does he need one? They're almost at the police tape now but that fact barely registers as all his internal organs clench as one of the paramedics flick the silver (it catches in the sunlight and sparkles way too happily to be real) blanket open...

"You boy's shouldn't be here," A policeman's calm voice says firmly. Liam's head swivles around, everything feeling slow and lathargic as if he were moving in a dream.

Zayn makes a sound and turns around, fumbling with a cigarette and a lighter and Harry is shaking, but Liam's limbs don't want to move to confort either one of them. He's not entirely sure if he can. It's like he's been turned to stone, his body forever fixed on staring at the body by the water.

"He's our brother," Liam's mouth moves, but it doesn't really sound like him speaking. "We want to make sure he's okay." He's talking loudly over the roaring in his ears and he must be causing a comotion as heads begin to turn to look at him. Paul, the woman and Officer Olson - Liam sees it now, both turn in unison and start to come over. Oh crap he thinks distantly Paul looks furious.

"I understand that, but the best thing you can do for Mr Horan now is to wait here and let the paramedics do their job." The officer says patiently.

"Fuck this," Louis swears, and before anyone can stop him he lifts the tape up, sidesteps the officer pushes another officer away and marches towards Niall.

Then chaos really does ensue. Liam tries to follow him, Louis isn't the only one who wants to know what's going on, but a hand on his arm holds him back and he finds himself clinging to Harry in fear and worry. Through his tears he keeps watching. Watching Louis storm over to Niall's body, a step ahead of the officers trying to stop him. Watching Paul coming closer and closer with his angry face and sad eyes. Watching Zayn smoke casually and as calmly as if it were just another day at the studio, but his hands are shaking and the only reason he is so calm is the introduction of another layer of tar that is travelling down his airways to settle in his lungs. Some evil part of Liam's brain tells him that now that they've lost Niall to water, they're going to lose Zayn to fire.

As Harry holds onto Liam, and Zayn smokes like a freight train. Liam waches with a curious detachement, almost as if he wasn't there at all, but rather a spirit or a whisp floating around. He watches as the paramedics pull the blanket over Niall and tuck it around him. Sees as Louis stumbles away and throws up, the police officers who had followed him, standing and rubbing his back as Louis splutters into the mud. He doesn't need to see the somber look in everyone's faces to understand what the scene before him means. Niall is dead like Liam's heart has been trying to tell him all along.

Time seems to resume in its normal motion when Paul steps under the crime scene tape and envalops Liam and Harry into a hug. Another pair of arms, and the stench of smoke joins not too long later. "You lads shouldn't be here," Paul says and Liam know's it's meant to sound stern but it falls flat. "I know," Liam mumbles as the group part.

"We couldn't just sit around," Zayn says pulling out another cigarette. His hands shaking so bad Liam has to light it for him.

"I know," Paul's smile is smaller and sadder than Liam's seen before and that seems like thats all there is to say.

They stand in silence and Paul leaves to talk to the officers who are escorting Louis back past the tape line. His hands are cuffed Liam realises with a start, but it hardly seems important now. Zayn blows a dragons breath into the air. A part of Liam wants to go over there too, but the paramedics are carrying Niall up on the streatcher and his feet are frozen to the ground. For some reason they've left the blanket off of his face so Liam gets a full glimps of the muddied hair, swollen features and blue lips. Niall's skin is coloured grey, and Liam can't tell if it's the mud that makes it so or not. (The cynical part of himself says it's not.)

Somebody howls in grief, Liam can't tell if it's him, or Zayn, or Harry, or Louis. His legs can no longer hold him and he collapses into the mud. He's shaking, and making sobbing noises but he's not crying. He rocks back and forth on the ground, his hands streached out before him scooping up the mud and smearing it on his face. It's as if his body thinks that by making himself as dirty and grey as Niall he can trade places and bring him back to life.

"Oh shit," someone says, and crouches down next to him. "Liam you - you can't do that,"

The smoky smell returns as Zayn returns placing his hands over top of Liam's own ones. "Liam mate, deep breaths, you gotta stay calm alright?"

Liam shakes his head his hands clenching and unclenching in Zayn's grip. It's not alright, how can Zayn say it is. His heart aches so much he thinks it might burst, but still Zayn holds tight and doesn't let go. "He's dead isn't he?" Liam splutters and sobs, but still the tears won't fall. His cheast just heaves. "They put a blanket over him,"

There's a chocked sound, and suddely Liam's shoulder begins to feel wet. He thinks for a moment that nobody's going to reply to him until a voice above him says "Mr Horans condition is severe but your bandmate is not dead."

Liams body tenses and freezes. "Excuse me," The officer says quietly, and Zayn's hands let go, only to be replaced by the officers own large ones. "The abulance is about to leave if one of you want to ride with Mr Horan." he says quietly, and Liam feels Harry (and it must be Harry) move rather than sees him, before he's enveloped by the smoke again and while normally he'd choke on and hate it, now he takes comfort in the knowledge that Zayn is there.

"Mr Payne - Liam if I may call you that," the officer starts, stopping for Liam's nod of affirmation before he continues, his voice calm and gentle yet with the firmness of knowledge and experience behind it. "I need you to look at me. Can you do that for me?"

Liam nods, raising brown up to meet blue. He's shaking but at least he's not doing that awful sobbing.

"Good, thats really good Liam," The officer nods and smiles flaunting the laughter lines in the corner of his eyes. "I need you to listen very carefully, okay?" 

Liam nods again. He doesn't know what the officer is doing, but it's working, he's beginning to feel calmer. More rational.

"Good, thats good. You're doing really well here Liam." Zayn gives him a comforting squeeze and somehow Liam manages a weak smile, "You guys must be really close ae? I can see how worried you all are for Mr Horan,"

"He's our brother" Zayn says, and Liam nods in agreement.

"Well you'll be relieved to know Mr Horan - your brother is in good hands now. We're going to do everything in our power to catch the person or persons who are responsible for this."

"But he looked s-so bad,"

The officers face turned grave, "I'm not going to lie, your brother's condition is severe, but Mr Horan is young, fit and healthy. I have every faith that he will push through. Especially with such a strong team of brothers behind him."

"He's going to be alright?" Liam can hardly believe what he's hearing. His heart suddenly feels warm with hope now.

"With lads like you supporting him. I don't doubt it."

"Thank you Officer..."

"Summers," the man replies standing up and holding out his hand so he can help Liam up.

"Thanks Officer Summers," Liam takes the hand and standing up. He's still a little shakey, and the mud is drying and flaking on his face. He's a little embarrassed about the scene he must have created, but he feels lighter in a way he hasn't since Niall disappeared.

"All part of the job," the man says kindly, "Reactions like yours are suprisingly normal. I'm afraid I don't have anything for you to clean your face on, but I can confer with Officer Olson as to the status of your bandmates."

Bandmates. Plural. As in more than one. As in Niall and... It couldn't be Zayn, Zayn was here; Harry was with Niall... Liam's head spun round just in time to for the two officers that had comforted Louis as he vomited him, had him in cuffs now. Louis struggling and swearing at them. Could this day get any worse?

Zayn's hand grips tightly on Liam's shoulder, "Why are they cuffing him?"

"It's for his safety. Mr Tomlinsons emotions are very volitile right now, he poses a danger to himself and to the people around him. Non withstanding he also entered and contaminated a crime scene, against the order of a police officer."

"That's bullshit!"

"That's the law. If we deem someone a threat we are allowed to detain them through any means possible," Summers face was stern, yet his eyes were full of sympathy. It was like he understood how they felt but his hands were tied by the law. "You'll be able to collect Mr Tomlinson from the station, once he has calmed down and we have booked him and collected DNA samples. Offical reasons."

One of the officers helps Louis duck his head as they place him in the backseat of an undercover cop car. A couple of minutes of talking, and the cop must undo Louis's handcuffs because she comes away with them in her hands.

"Thank you officer." Paul walks over, "Niall's been delievered to Royal Brompton Hospital, did you lads want to ride with me? I can call one of the boys to pick your car up. Fair warning, I'm picking Louis up first."

Liam cringes at the scolding Louis is no doubt going to cop. He looks towards Zayn to see what Zayn thinks.

"We'll drive ourselves." Zayn says, "We just want to be alone for a bit."

Paul nods and heads over to his car. And Liam turns into Zayn's arms, pressing his muddied cheek to Zayns. For once Zayn doesn't push him away and complain about Liam ruining his good looks, and Liam doesn't complain of the stench all the cigarettes Zayn's been smoking lately has clung like a disease to Zayn's skin. They're both trembling, and while neither don't break out into sobs, they're only just holding it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI just encase you think that the cops are wrong for cuffing Louis. Where I'm from cops are allowed to cuff people if they think they are a harm to themselves, or anyone else around them. Because Louis pushed an officer and entered a crime scene, they've deemed him emotionally unstable and felt that it was necessary. Louis isn't actually under arrest even if Liam seems to think so.


	8. Your on My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's alive. Niall's alive. Niall IS alive...

When Liam and Zayn show up at the hospital, they are immediately escorted into a private waiting room where Harry is already waiting. Based off of the empty chairs that are next to him Liam assumes that Louis and Paul haven't made it there yet.

Harry looks up when they enter and stumbles over to them. Together they envelop him in a hug before escorting him back to the seats and sitting him down. Questions tumble out of Liam and Zayn's lips over and over, until Liam silences them all when he asks, "Is he alive?" because after all of that, the pain, the waiting and then seeing Niall looking like death; Liam still doesn't believe that Niall is really alive.

"Yes," Harry releases the words as if it was a breath, "Yes." and his face lights up and he starts crying, then Liam's laughing and crying all at once and Zayn grins like a mad man but he doesn't cry because Zayn's too cool.

"He's alive," Liam whispers like he can't believe it when they've all calmed down.

"What did the medics say?" Zayn asks, the only voice of reason at this point.

"Not much," Harry stares at his hands, "He has hypothermia, and he's been beaten quite badly. They said they won't know how bad it is until they got him here. But I think it's quite bad." Harry's adam apple bobbed as he swallowed. "They had to put an oxygen mask over his face and shoved all kinds of things into him," 

"But he's alive,"  
"But he's alive," Harry confirms.

Silence falls around them, disturbed only by Zayn getting up to pace, or Liam jumping up to the sound of footsteps passing by, or Harry sighing and complaining about how long its all taking. He's not wrong. It feels like forever since they last saw Niall and all Liam can see is that _corpse_ that the medics had pushed past. It flashes in Liam's mind every time he blinks. Niall's grey and unmoving face. So death like that Liam doesn't think he's really going to believe for himself that Niall is alive until he sees it.

Liam's jumped to his feet for the upteenth time when the door to the waiting room swings open and Paul and Louis walk in.

"Louis!" Harry exclaims, practically throwing himself at him. Liam wants to too, but doesn't move until Zayn rolls his eyes at him and drags him over, while Paul steps to the side to allow the boys their moment.

Eventually Louis throws them off him. "Lads, lads I'm fine."

He tries to make it dramatic and carefree the way Louis tends to be, but it's sad and without any of Louis's usual energy. It's only because Liam has known Louis for so long now, that he knows that's what Louis was trying for at all. Harry and Zayn fall quiet and move away too. It occures to Liam that Louis probably still thinks Niall is dead.

"What happened Louis?" Liam asks carefully, usure what state Lou's going to be in after being taken away in handcuffs.

"Boring paperwork," Louis rolls his eyes and flops down on one of the chairs dramatically. "I had to do a DNA test and fingerprinting." He waggles his ink stained fingers, "And answer a couple of questions. For all the dramatic show at... Well boring really"

"The handcuffs were just until Louis calmed down. Once he got his temper in check and the police weren't afraid he'd hurt them or someone else, they took them off," Paul gives one of his disproving frowns, "They had to book him and collect his DNA since he entered a crime scene and..." he coughs looking embarrassed, "contaminated it."

"Why? Louis couldn't help it," Harry asks ignoring the way Louis looks at him.  
"Thanks Hazza," he mutters quietly but sarcastically. "Really supportive,"

"What? You couldn't," Harry shrugs too innocent. Ducking a light punch Louis throws in his way. "You weren't the only one Lou, they had to hand me a bucket in the ambulance, cause I was looking pretty green as well."

"That's enough about vomit I think." Zayn shudders his nose crinkled in distaste, "If all they had to do is get Louis fingerprints and DNA, what took so long?"

"Paperwork, you wouldn't believe how much they made us do just so they could be able to rule out Louis's DNA and/or prints to separate Louis from... Whoever that did this.But we're here now. How is Niall?"

"Is he dead?"

"He's alive," Zayn corrects, "Hypothermia and injured... But Harry said he's still alive." Liam nods earnestly along repeating the words like a mantra in his head _He's alive. He's alive. He's alive. He's alive..._

"What have the doctors said?" Paul asks.

"Nothing yet," Harry pipes up, catching the movement of the door before anyone does, "But I think we're about to find out,"

Everyone's heads turn, to see where he's looking. At the white clothed man standing in the doorway. Liam's heart stutters and he sucks in a breath...

"Family of Niall Horan,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for a short chapter this time round. Normally if they're short, I just shove it in with other chapter, but I didn't think it would work for this one, so I left it as a stand alone.
> 
> Next one will be longer.


	9. Right Here Waiting For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't believe it but if it's true..."
> 
>  
> 
> "... if it's true than it's... it's our fault."

For a moment Liam's afraid to speak, then he's afraid no-one else will as silence elapses in the room. So many silences without Niall around. Finally Paul steps forward "I'm his primary contact, his parents are in Ireland," he explains.

The doctor nods, his eyes scanning the room, looking at the four lads. Paul follows his gaze, "I'm sure you're familiar with his bandmates." Paul pauses and Liam's suddenly afraid that Paul is going to ask the doctor to relay the information outside the private room they're in. Which is not quite exactly what Paul does. "Relay what you can to them now, you can fill me in on the rest outside."

"We can hear all of it," Louis protests. But surprisingly cowers under Pauls steely glance. Liam thinks Paul must have chewed him out pretty badly. He winces in sympathy for Louis.

"Very well." The doctor nods again. "Mr Horan's condition is severe but stable. Given the severity of the hypothermia that Mr Horan aquired, we estimate that Mr Horan had been in the water for quite some time before he was found."

There's a collective intake around the room, at the thought of Niall lying in that water near death for hours without being noticed. Liam imagines Niall lying on the edge of the water under the bridge, bloated, discoloured and dead. He pictures all the people that walked over the bridge unwittingly walking over the place where Niall lay dying, and he's glad that the cop and her dog found Nial when they did. A couple of hours longer and the tide would have been up and Liams brain torments him with images of what that would have meant for a weak and unconscious Niall.

"He is currently being treated for pulmonary edema - a fluid buildup in his lungs-" The doctor explains quickly, "Which could be from the water he's doubtlessly swallowed or from the hopthermia. He's dehydrated. He also sports sereval taumatic injuries. He has several broken ribs, a cracked skull, dislocated knee, and a fractured arm as well as internal bleeding. Your friend is lucky to be alive."

Tears slip silently down Liam's cheeks. He's surprised he has any left to cry with, but he does. He doesn't even know what he's crying for. If it's relief because Niall's alive, grief for the pain that Niall's bound to be in. Maybe it's the fact that Niall is actually okay, that creates a stark contrast with the images that have made their way inside Liam's brain. He doesn't know. Doesn't care, because Niall is alive. He has to remember that.

Niall is alive.

"Can-can we see him?" Zayn asks. Liam looks up hopeful at the thought. He doesn't even care that the doctor might see the tears silently streaking his face, or the fact that his eyes are still puffy from his crying earlier. 

"Mr Horan is currently resting. You will be able to visit him tomorrow."

Liams shoulders sag as he leans back in the hospital chair. He's disappointed, but he can't really say that he is surprised. They'd all seen Niall when the police had recovered him, how horrible and ghostly his appearance had been. Even now with the doctor telling them that Niall is broken but alive, Liam feels that there's more to it than that. They're not being told everything and that's been made abundantly clear when the Doctor and Paul go outside the waiting room to talk in the hallway.

He's not the only one who notices, and after a moment, Zayn treads lightly across the floor and casually leans against the wall beside the door.

"What do you think happened to him?" Harry asks.

Liam shrugs, "Do we want to know?" hating how small and fragile his voice sounds as he says it. "He's alive, and when he wakes up he'll be able to tell us anyway."

Louis rolls his eyes, "What do you think happened? He decided to go for a midnight swim and somehow got hit by a boat?"

Harry flushes and bites his lip, shrugging. Awkwardly Liam looks down at his still muddied hands and starts peeling the mud off thoughtlessly. Trying not to think about what Louis might be implying. There's so many reasons why Niall could have ended up in the Thames like he did, but none of them are good. None of them are worth thinking about.

Minutes pass until Liam's disturbed from his thoughts by Harry speaking up, "Do..." Harry stopped and swallowed, "Do you think that Niall tried to kill himeself?" Liam's head shoots up and around so fast that he swears he's just given himself whiplash, but that doesn't matter because what did Harry just say?

Of all the possible scenarios that Liam's imagined and considered, he'd never thought of that one. 

"He didn't kill himself," Louis rolls his eyes, his voice dripping with some combination of mirth and sarcasm. "Don't be stupid Harry,"

His voice is full of warning, but Harry plunges on heedlessly. "We were all fighting when we last saw him. He probably left because he was upset. If - if he got attacked while he was walking around, it might have been enough." With every quiet but urgent word Liam's heart and gut sinks a little more, "We know he was tired, we know the fans had started picking on him again. He left tired and upset. What... What if he got mugged, and it was enough for him to think that it wasn't... Worth it anymore?"

"Shut up Harry," Louis snarls, his fists are tightening, Liam notices, but Harry doesn't notice and doesn't stop.

"We live nowhere near Battersea, if he'd been mugged and abandoned he would have been found in some allyway. But he was by the Battersea bridge. What if... What if he went there and... And jumped off?"

"Harry, shut up,"

Liam jumped up from his seat, quickly stepping between Louis and Harry, as Louis starts. He looks positively furious, and tries to push past Liam, stopping when Liam places his hand firmly on his chest and says "Louis. Stop."

Louis throws Liam a withering look, but Liam doesn't back down. He can't. Can't let them fight. The last time they fought left them here. He doesn't want to be here again. "All these questions, questions and no answers and now Harry starts throwing around this crazy nonsense." Louis spits and snarls like a rabic dog. Turning his heel and (thankfully) popping down in his seat. "Niall wouldn't commit suicide,"

"He'd be dead if he had tried to kill himself," Zayn says quietly, "It's more likely that he collapsed there, than he decided to take a flying leap off of the bridge."

"Maybe he changed his mind and swam to shore," Harry says quickly.

Louis scoffs, "With the way he looked, I doubt he even had the strength to climb up on the railing,"

"Well maybe he got washed ashore before he properly drowned," Harry's voice rises into a weird sqeaky sound, "I don't know! I'm just trying to figure out what happened,"

Liam wets his lips, his heart aching at the agony on everyone's faces as they broach the dark subject. "Let it be Haz," He says aiming to keep his voice gentle, so as not to upset him any further, "We will find out what happened to him soon enough. I bet the police are pieceing everything together even as we speak."

"I don't know how he could have got so far from home," Harry says, his voice returning to its normal pitch range, "Why would he be at the Thames otherwise?"

"Maybe he got into a fight on a boat, and accidently fell off," Louis snips, "It's more plausable than your suicide crap,"

"Why does it matter so much to you Harry?" Liam asked. "Why is this what you think?" he can't say it. Can't say it like Harry can, at least not without choking up and crying.

"No! I-" Harry says defensivly, jerking in his chair, "I don't believe it - but if it's true..." he swallows, "If it's true than it's... It's our fault."

Liam pauses. Blinks. The weight of Harry's words sink him like an anchor. Harry doesn't believe what he's saying. He's only pushing it because it's the reality that he's most afraid of. Like how Liam had been so sickly afraid of Niall dying that he really believe for a couple of awful moments that he was dead; Harry is sickly afraid that they might have driven Niall into suicide. Harry's afraid that somehow, perhaps because of the argument before Niall vanished, they're to blame for what's happened. "It's not your fault," He says eventually, "You couldn't predict this would happen,"

Harry doesn't respond. Just sighs and leans forwards into his hands. He stares wistfully across the room. He doesn't believe Liam. He won't believe anyone until he hears it from Niall's own lips.

Liam sighs. Looks around the small group in the room. Looks at Zayn eavesdropping by the door, Harry staring off into space and Louis with his jittery legs and sighs again.

It's going to be a long night.


	10. Take Your Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You didn't listen,"

It is a long night.

Paul comes back sometime later with takeaways and a grim expression, but no matter how hard the four of them push, he betrays nothing more than the doctor does on Niall's condition. Eventually the all give up on trying and Louis, Zayn and Harry tuck into their food. Liam grabs his, but he doesn't really touch it. His stomach twists uncomfortably every time he tries. So he puts it to the side and promises he'll eat it when he's calmed down. Once he knows that Niall is well and truly okay, he knows he'll be able to touch it again.

They chat idelly to pass time, menial topics that pop into their minds. The latest football match. A fan that stood out at their last signing. The odd comment about a doctor, detective or nurse. A cute puppy Harry walked past once. It seems that they talk about anything and everything, apart from the one thing they're all there for. They might now be in the same building as Niall, but nobody wants to talk about him. Its weird, but every time Liam tries to mention it, he forgets what English sounds like.

A nurse brings them some blankets, but that's the only time they see any medical personale.

Eventually they drop off to sleep one by one. Harry and Zayn curled uncomfortably together on the plastic chairs, and Louis braced in one of the back corners of the room. Paul leans back in his chair and closes his eyes, but try as he might, Liam can't fall asleep. Everytime he tries something stops him. The seats are too uncomfortable. The hospital is too noisy. Zayn snores. It's too cold... And so on. 

"Quit your wriggling and go to sleep Liam," Pauls voice startles Liam so that he freezes and sits still. Pauls eyes are still closed so Liam has no idea how he knew it was him that was still moving.

"You've had a big day and you'll likely have an even bigger one tomorrow. Get some rest. You'll need it." Paul continued after a few beats of Liam holding his breath, like a child caught in the cupboard with their hand in the sugar.

"I can't." Liam admits into the darkness like it's a secret.

Paul sighs heavily. "I told you not to go. I wanted to protect you from that sight."

"I know Paul,"

"You were lucky he wasn't dead."

Now it's Liams turn to sigh, a sad defeated sigh, softer than Pauls heavy one from the burden of the day. "We couldn't just leave him,"

"I know," Paul says softly, "I love you boys like you were my own."

The admission hangs heavy in the air, the whole world seems to fall silent around Liam and Paul as if it were holding it's breath. Even Zayn's stopped snoring. The whole hospital seems to listen and take on the weight and warmth of Pauls words. "He wasn't breathing when the cop pulled him from the water." Paul admits to the silent room. The night around Liam gets darker, "She managed to resussitate him, but it was touch and go. I told you boys that he was found because you deserved to know. You deserved to have that worry taken from you. But I never wanted you to follow me to him. Not when I didn't know what you were going to find. I wanted to give you a chance to prepare yourself, for him to be alive, or for him to be dead."

"We weren't prepared." Liam whispers back his own confession softly, as the images of the day flood back inside his mind. Niall, grey and pale on the stretcher.

"No. You didn't listen." Paul agrees.

Liam swallows and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. He desperately wants to say something, but he doesn't know what he could say. It's all too difficult. His brain is going 100 miles an hour, and his emotions are wraught all over the show. He doesn't know how to bring them together cohesively.

"What happened to him Paul?" He asks eventually. But he's waited too long, and he recieves no response.

Paul's already asleep. 

At some point in the night, Liam's own body caves to the exhaustion that it feels. He wakes up stretched uncomfortably across several chairs and he doesn't feel any more rested than when he inevitably fell asleep. Paul is already gone, but the others are still asleep. It's still dark outside, the first light of a new day having not yet broken through the grey mist that has settled in the night.

So Liam sits and waits. He scrolls his phone until it dies, and casts it aside in frusteration once it does. By then dawn is approaching, and Liam moves to the window to entertain himself watching as the sun rises and colours the grey of night with soft yellows, oranges and pinks that swirl together quietly in the clouds. It promises hope for the new day.

"It's not a red sky," Zayn says by Liam's ear, startling him.

"No," Liam agreed with a sheepish laugh at his startling, "It couldn't possibly be,"

Zayn has nothing to say to that, but Liam feels an uncontrolable desire to talk. Since Niall disappeared there had been far too many silences between the four of them. It had seemed fitting at the time. But Niall's no longer missing, he's just a couple of doors away so the silence is no longer fitting. "How long before we get to see him?" he asks, unable to hide the whisper of happiness edging itself into his voice, "They're going to have to let us see him today."

Zayn nods, but there's something in his expression that makes Liam hesitate and spare him another glance. It takes him a while to figure it out but when he does the cold feeling threatens to grip at his chest again. Zayn doesn't have the same hope or happiness sneaking into his expression that Liam does, in fact he looks the opposite of overjoyed. He looks grim.

"What is it Zee?"

Zayn turns his head from the window and flicks a glance at Liam before he looks back out at the rising sun again. "Last night, I overheard the doctor and Paul discussing Niall after the doctor came to talk to us..." Liam's heart clenches, and a flash of the discussion the night before about whether or not Niall might have tried to kill himself. He tries to remember if Zayn partook in the discussion or not, but can't remember if he had or hadn't and his stomach twists. "... Niall died Li. The doctor reckons he was in that water at least a day, maybe two before that cop found him."

Liam sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. He already knows some of what Zayn is saying, but he senses theres more to it than just that, and he's preparing himself for the worst.

"It's a mircle that whoever found him was able to bring him back to life. He could still die, even now." Zayn continues calmly, "They're worried that he's going to have brain damage because of it though, especially given the damage to his skull. They're keeping him under strict observation at the moment, for when he regains consciousness. They're hoping to know before we see him. They're worried about how we will react especially given what happened yesterday..." Zayn trails off, looking away from Liam. Liam know's what he's thinking anyway. He's remebering the scene that Louis and Liam had created at the river. Liam winces.

"Is that why they didn't want us going to see him?" Liam asks softly, a few minutes after Zayn stops talking.

Zayn shakes his head, "They're worried about him getting infection because he's so weak, and because he had been in the river, which isn't... Exactly... The most hygenic of places. I don't think they're going to let us see him until he's stronger."

Liam nods because it makes sense, but his heart hurts for their Irish bandmember. "Do you think he's going to be alright?" He asks softly, careful not to wake the other sleeping people in the room up.

Zayn turns and smiles, "He's a leprechan, he's got the luck of the Irish on his side," but his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

"You're right," Liam says distractedly. The sun is almost completely up now, there is nearly no trace of the beautiful soft pastles that had once coated the sky. They've all been replaced by a simple blue, dusted with fluffy grey clouds. He stares at them and wonders what they all mean. If they bode well for the day, and for Niall, or not.

"Has the doctor been by yet?"

Liam shook his head when a large source crashing into his back, something long and heavy landing across his neck and pushing forward, causing him to stumble before he can reply.

"Good morning lads," Louis says cheerfully, as both Liam and Zayn right themselves, Zayn throwing Louis arm off of the back of his neck.

"Not anymore," Liam teases, "We were enjoying the peace and quiet,"

"Sure," Louis rolls his eyes, "Not like the pair of you were whispering absurdly loud like the pair of school boys that you are."

"Like you could be any quieter," Zayn raises an eyebrow. "I think you woke Harry,"

"As if anybody could sleep through you lot," Harry says, streaching out and yawning. "Where's Paul gone off to?"

"He was gone when I woke," Liam shrugs.

"Well wherever he is I hope he's bringing back breakfast. I'm starved!"

Liam smiles tightly and turns back to the hospital window, watching lone figures walk through the hospital doors below them. Louis words remind him too much of something Niall would say if he were here. There's been so much waiting and worrying that the hours seems agonisingly long. Liam's last memory of Niall is of him on the stretcher, grey and deathly. It's not a nice picture to have. But Niall is alive. Liam has to remind himself. Niall is alive and the hours until they get to see him again are slowly getting smaller. And Niall can take his time if it means he's going to get better. Even if each hour feels days too long.


	11. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think they'll figure it out?"

When Paul shows back up with breakfast and phone chargers, he's not alone. Denise and Jim are with him. None of them look like they've slept in days.

"Any news yet?"

They shook their heads. Quietly collecting the food from Paul and dividing up between themselves.

"Too early still I suppose," Denise said. "He nearly died,"

"He's going to live," Louis says vemenantly. He's starting to be wound up, all the sitting around and waiting has done has made him antsy, and Liam knows that he's itching for something to happen.

"We know," Jim says quickly. Placatory. "That's not what Denise was meaning. We are all very greatful that Niall is alive and he's going to be okay."

"You don't know that," Zayn said and Jim looked helpless.

"Right... Um" Jim coughed and cleared his throat, "Let's get down to why we're here."

Liam shuffles in his seat, and shares a glance with Harry. He has a feeling that they know what Jim and Denise are going to say. One Direction duties, management are going to want them to do media damage control.

"Do we really have to do this now?" Liam asks, "We've been waiting here all night to see Niall, and they still haven't let us see him yet. All we know is that he is hurt but alive. I just want to focus on him right now."

"Don't say we have to do an interview now." Harry frowns unhappily, "We barely know anything. I don't think I could,"

"Who cares what the media thinks," Louis said flippantly, glearing as if daring them to challenge him. Though he artfully dodges meeting Pauls eyes.

"I won't do it." Zayn says simply, but the finality in his tone makes Liam turn away to hide his smile. There's no way that management is winning this one.

Denise bristles. Her nose turning hautily up in the air, and she glears at them all. "You will do whatever we tell you too-" she starts, before Jim stops her.

"But we're not going to make you do that. We just wanted to warn you that someone leaked that Niall is in hospital to the media, so prepare for questions if you run into any fans or jouralists. I also wanted to suggest that maybe one or two of you could make a nice supportive social media post. It woud be a nice way to let the fans know that Niall's going to be okay, and give Niall something comforting and supportive to read while he's in hospital. Jim tilts his head, and Liam gets the feelin that they're each being studied, "It's entirely up to you boys of course, but I think it would be beneficial to everyone,"

It's not actually a bad idea and there are worse things that management have asked them to do, like the charade they had to put on only two days ago. Even so, Liam tries to be aloof when he says, "We'll think about it," Although Harry is already on his phone.

He remains on his phone for the duration of the meeting. They can't say what happened to Niall, just that he was hurt but expected to make a full recovery. It's no biggie since none of them really know what happened anyway. They manage to persuade Jim and Denise not to book any interviews for a few more days, and give them some time off to help Niall recover.

At some point Paul disappears, but by now the boys are so used to him appearing and disappearing they barely blink. Management doesn't even seem to notice so the movement is ignored.

They all make a 'get well soon' tweet each for Niall, and have to turn their phones off when twitter starts to blow up.

Liam smiles to himself as he pictures Niall opening his twitter when he wakes up, and sees their heartfelt well wishes. He hopes that when Niall reads them, he'll know how much he's loved. No matter what happens he'll always have the lads. He hopes that they will ease some of the trauma that this is undoubtedly going to cause for Niall.

He takes a couple of silly hospital photos to put up on Instagram as well, but he ends up deleting them all when he sees the time and realies it's nearly 12pm. It's nearly 12pm and no doctor or nurse or anybody except management has come to see them. It's nearly 12 pm and that awful sinking feeling is back again.

"Where's Paul?" he asks, swallowing down the fear that's rising back up again. Paul will know what's going on. Liam's sure of it.

Harry shrugs, and Zayn shakes his head. "Dunno. Why's that Li?"

"The doctor said yesterday that we would be able to see Niall today, but it's lunch time and nobody's come to tell us where his room is. And Paul's his emergency contact so..."

"You think maybe Pauls with him?" Zayn finishes. Liam shrugged. He hadn't really thought that at all, but he didn't know what he'd been thinking instead.

"Paul wouldn't do that to us, Li." Louis says firmly, "He knows how much Niall means to us."

Liam nodded, reminded that he had been the only on to hear Paul when Paul had asked that they had waited and not come out to the crime scene. Only the night before, Paul had admitted that he'd been afraid of how the boys would react if Niall was in a bad way and they weren't properly prepared.

Suddenly Paul's mysterious absenses had a ring of reason to them. It wasn't entirely unplausable that Paul would visit Niall first without the lads if he was afraid of the severety of Niall's condition.

He sighed loudly and flopped back in the waiting room chair, ignoring the concerned look that Zayn sent his way.

"I'm sure a doctor will be by soon,"

"Why are we even bothering to wait?" Louis started for the door, "Lets go find out for ourselves."

"We should wait." Liam says sensibly. His feet, which aren't as sensible as his brain it seems, are already on their way to join Louis in the doorway. 

"Yeah we should," Zayn agreed sounding about as firm as Liams feet were.

Harry's already out waiting for them in the corridor.

So on that note they all agree that they should stay in the waiting room and wait for the doctor to tell them that they can finally see Niall. 

And then they all walked out to find him themselves.

Liam's heart thudders like a calvary in his chest. He's terrified that they're going to get caught or worse that the doctor will come to take them to see Niall and none of them will be there. But he follows Louis and the others out into the mercifully empty hallway.

They're faced with their first obstical almost immediately.

None of them know which room Niall is in and therefore have absolutly no clue about which section of the corridor they should take. Because their waiting room is private, to spare them the fans and the press, they don't even know if they're on the same floor as Niall. As soon as the realisation hit them all Louis and Harry start arguing over which direction they should go in.

"I say left,"

"What if his room is on the right?"

"It's not going to be."

"But it's right!"

"Left is right, right is wrong"

"Right can't be wrong it's right,"

"Well it's not right, left is right,"

"Have you not watched movies it's always right that is right!"

"This isn't a movie Harry, right isn't always left, but left is right,"

"Left isn't right. If you take it away than right is the only direction that is left."

"Would you two stop?" Liam exclaimed, having had enough of hearing the two of them bicker like children. They're not even really paying attending to where they are otherwise they would both know that neither direction lead to Niall. Thankfully they both stop, with identical expressions of indignance on their faces that Liam can't help but snigger. It's not entirely helpful at all, but they both look so comical, that he can't help himself. Especially because he knows that they're both wrong, but they're both so focused on having it their own way they haven't even noticed yet.

He strides forward before they can argue, and catches up with Zayn who is already halfway down the corridor in front of them. "Do you think they'll figure it out?" He called softly to Zayn as he caught up.

Zayn stopped and raised an eyebrow, "That we're in the middle of an infant ward?" He nods his head, back to where Harry and Louis have gone back to bickering, "Not for a while,"

Liam rolled his eyes and marched back to grab Louis and Harry by their lapels. "Come on children," he said dragging them forward, ignoring their complaining that they are both right.

They start in the ICU. They peek through viewing windows and sneak through doors when theres no window to see through. They sign autographs and talk to patients. They exhaust every possible room on that floor. They don't find Niall.

One nurse watches them and eventually takes pity on them and kindly tells them that Niall had been moved from ICU earlier that morning. She's not so kind as to have told them that before they had searched through every room on that floor, however. She doesn't know where he's been moved to but she suggests that they try the next floor down, that often ICU patients are transferred there while they're being monitored.

So they track back to the stairwell, a little more dejected than they were before. Liam thinks that some part of them had expected to find him straight away. As if they would just knowingly walk into Niall's room without needing any directions. That obviously didn't happen. They didn't even arrive on the right floor and with that fact pushed in their faces it's thrown them off. Nothing has been easy since Niall disappeared, and it looks like it isn't going to change since he has been found.

Perhaps they should have stayed in the waiting room they had been given and simply waited like they were supposed to. But another part of Liam knows that they shouldn't have been expected to do that. It's been four days of waiting, and all of them are itching to do something. They want to see Niall. He's their bandmate. Their friend. Their brother. They want to make sure he's okay.

Up ahead, Zayn is about to go around the corner of the corridor they've just finished checking when he stops and backpedals so quickly and so suddenly that he ends up standing on Louis' toes.

"Ow! Man what do-" he stops when Zayn slaps a hand over his mouth, and pushes them back around the corner.

"Shhhh," Zayn hisses, his face contorting into one of disgust, "Ew Louis!" he removes his hand, which is now shining like it's wet in the light. He quickly wipes it on Louis shirt, before Louis can push through Harry and Liam to make his escape.

Liam ignores them, as they argue in whispers. Instead he carefully leans around the corner to see whatever it is that made Zayn turn around and his heart speeds up. There's a strange rushing sound in his ears and he throws himself back towards the group. He must interupt the arguing because the corridor suddenly goes extrememly quiet and they're staring at him. Zayn with that knowing look and Louis with a combinations of amusement and curiosity. As for Harry, he peeks his head around the corner and retracts it just as fast.

"What's Paul and Detective Olson doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big apologies that it's taken me so long to get this chapter up. Too be honest it's probably one of my least favourite in the fic and I really struggled to write it the way I needed it to go. Filler chapters are not my strong point.


End file.
